Do you often downplay your achievements, even when you deserve recognition? Or perhaps you notice others who seem to act humble yet subtly bask in the spotlight.
False humility can be a sneaky force, undermining genuine interactions and self-perception. In a world that values modesty, it's easy to confuse it with true humility.
Join us as we delve into the nuances of false humility, uncovering the signs and exploring strategies to embrace authenticity. By understanding and overcoming this complex issue, you will discover the power of being yourself, finding the balance between modesty and self-assurance, and enriching your personal and professional life.
To do so, let’s explore the concept of false humility, from its definition to signs of false humility; then, we will showcase 14 steps to beating false humility.
What Is Humility?
“Humility” comes from the Latin humilis (meaning low). When interpreted as a positive personality trait, humility means the “state of being humble.” In the positive sense, a humble person is modest and free from pride or arrogance.
Some philosophies, religions, and cultures accept humility as a virtue. Some suggest that being less occupied with oneself and knowing one’s place in the order of things are core signs of true humility. In some sense, it represents parting with one’s ego.
What Is False Humility?
False humility is when someone acts humble to hide or disguise their pride. It usually involves self-deprecation. In other words, undervaluing or belittling themselves to appear less important and make others think they are modest.
What they are doing is indirectly expressing their ego, arrogance, and smug confidence.
In his Psychology Today article, Dr. Aqualus M Gordon Ph.D. writes that this is a form of self-loathing and a sign of an inferiority complex. Those with an inferiority complex often perceive themselves and their contributions as lesser than others.
In contrast, those with a superiority complex have a toxic high view of themselves. Fake humility is subtle, which makes it harder for others to notice when a person isn’t genuine.
Signs of False Humility
Spotting false humility isn’t always easy, even though a keen eye can tell when someone disguises pride or arrogance. Let’s examine common behaviors that are actually signs someone isn’t truly humble.
Feel free to write them down and do some self-introspection. Check off any signs you see in yourself or someone close to you.
The old me was found guilty of fake humility. In my mind, I honestly believed I was humble. Turns out, I was un-self-aware. Did this happen to you as well?
Remember, you’re in a judgment-free zone. The exercise is about being honest with ourselves to take steps to achieve self-growth.
Doing so allows us to evolve into our authentic selves and have more positive social experiences.
How to Overcome False Humility in 14 Steps
If humility does not come naturally to you, that’s ok. There are ways to practice true humility until it becomes second nature.
So far, you’ve learned what true humility looks like. Now, let’s go over a few key steps to put aside false humility. Think of the following steps as ways to improve so you no longer have to fake humility:
1. See humility as a strength
Contrary to what others think, humility is not a negative trait. This does not mean you lack self-confidence because you don’t brag about your talents, abilities, and accomplishments.
Similarly, it does not mean you see yourself as meek, weak, submissive, insecure, or unworthy compared to others. Humility is celebrated as a strength, not a weakness, in some cultures and religions, such as Christianity.
2. Practice self-acceptance
A false, humble persona can develop if you subconsciously perceive yourself as inferior or worthless. Accepting yourself, flaws and all, can change that. Stop comparing yourself with others and then feeling bad about yourself afterward.
Embrace your abilities, strengths, and weaknesses, celebrate your wins, and recognize your unique place. These mini-steps help you to love yourself more.
You won’t feel as insecure as before when you truly accept who you are. You will no longer minimize your personality to fit in or make others feel better about themselves.
3. Show yourself compassion
It is possible to exercise humility without forgetting yourself in the process through self-compassion. Self-compassion means loving and applying the same good treatment you give to others to yourself.
This translates to being kind and non-judgmental of yourself when you fall short of expectations.
For example, do not judge yourself using harsh criticism or denying your own needs to seem humble to others. Learn to encourage and reassure yourself when things go wrong.
Treating yourself to a steady flow of compassion is also a way to keep self-love strong.
4. Assert your needs
Many falsely believe dismissing or putting other people’s needs ahead of ours is a sign of humility. This is no more than a false demonstration of humility.
It causes us to betray ourselves in favor of someone else so as not to appear weak. We are often left feeling dissatisfied, hurt, or regretful.
Change that by saying how you truly feel and want. Use “I” statements to express yourself mindfully and non-judgmentally.
For example, “I know you’re in a hurry. However, I won’t exceed the speed limit and risk getting into an accident.”
5. Don’t envy others
Envy is one of the hundreds of emotions humans experience. We all feel envious from time to time. That’s normal. Letting it get out of hand can lead to false humility.
For example, you are acting happy for someone else’s achievement. You want to appear humble and supportive when, in fact, you silently wish it was you.
Controlling envy can make space for humility to blossom and grow. Be truly happy for others by giving them genuine praise and credit for their contributions. Not only will envy others less, you will also grow more confident in yourself.
6. Work on increasing emotional intelligence
Humility and emotional intelligence seem to go together as if you can’t have one without the other. Here’s why. Emotional intelligence, or EQ (“emotional quotient”) is the ability to recognize and control your emotions.
At the same time, you are also aware of and sensitive to the feelings of others.
That high internal awareness of yourself and eternal awareness of others guide positive interaction with people.
Things you can do to increase EQ include accepting criticism without feeling unworthy or inferior. Also becoming more attuned to the feelings of others and respectfully sharing your true feelings.
7. Accept you don’t know everything
Arrogance fuels pride, and pride becomes false humility in your attempt to mask it with arrogance. What benefit is there in acting as if you have all the education, knowledge, skills, or experience in the world?
No one person knows everything or can do everything correctly. Believe it or not, others know that too.
If you are wrong or do not know how to do something, say so. When you choose arrogance, that’s pride getting in the way. Instead, be teachable. Be open to learning. That is a true sign of humility and self-awareness.
People will draw closer to you for being honest with them and, most of all, with yourself.
8. Don’t dim your light for others to shine
There's enough space for everyone to shine.
Humility shouldn't mean diminishing your light to let others feel bigger—that's not authentic. Doing so presents a false version of yourself, risking missed opportunities and being overlooked.
Embrace your brilliance alongside others, understanding that individuals will always be at different levels and that everyone has a unique place and purpose.
9. Tame your prideful ego
Earlier, I mentioned that to be truly humble, we must part with our ego for the greater good of everyone. Substituting pride for vulnerability is one way to tame the ego. However, the mind shift is a necessary part of overcoming false modesty and becoming truly humble.
It takes high emotional intelligence to see that presenting your true self is okay. People will love the real you better than the persona who hides in the dark to make others feel good about themselves.
They won’t like it if they discover you use reverse psychology to exhibit your accomplishments or fish for compliments.
10. Feel your feelings
No one is perfect. Things will go wrong in your life from time to time. Anger, disappointment, and regret are normal negative emotions associated with setbacks and failures.
Ego and pride may force you to say, “I’m okay” in front of others or quietly to yourself.
You’re practicing false humility if, deep down inside, you know you’re not okay. It’s OK to cry when you want to (vulnerability) instead of masking it with a smile to hide your feelings (pride). Showing vulnerability is a positive trait seen in humble people.
11. Accept your weaknesses
Humble people are not weak but capable of accepting their weaknesses just as they own their strengths. Having a huge ego filled with pride and arrogance prevents you from accepting that you are flawed like everyone else.
Kill that part of your ego and fully embrace your inabilities. Others will see it as a sign of genuine humbleness. You may feel a tremendous burden lift off your shoulders from no longer having to pretend you’re strong.
12. Build up your self-esteem
Psychology experts see false humility as an inferiority complex. The opposite is a superiority complex. Neither is a positive personality trait.
An inferiority complex means you think low of yourself, while superiority refers to false high self-esteem or a perception that you’re above everyone else.
Developing a healthy level of self-esteem can help fix that. It enables you to feel confident and comfortable in your skin. Over time, you also transform into someone self-assured yet humble.
13. Empathize more with others
Remaining humble enhances one's ability to draw people in and connect with them through empathy and compassion.
Empathy is the ability to pick up on the emotions of others and show genuine concern for their well-being. However, you have to be capable of putting yourself in someone else’s proverbial shoes in order to understand what they may be going through truly.
Another way to show empathy is to practice empathic listening. Overcoming false humility requires surrendering the false ego.
This way, you can practice being less self-centered and more empathetic or attuned to the needs of others.
14. Realize that it’s not always about you
Those recognized as having true humility are typically less self-absorbed. They understand their relationship to people and people’s relationship to the world.
Everyone has a role to play, and no one has to part with their true selves to be seen, heard, or understood.
When you spend less time being self-involved and more time recognizing that others matter, you are showing empathy and humility.
People will draw to you like a moth to flame because they can see your soul. They will be more willing to trust you for being genuinely interested in their well-being.
Final Thoughts on How to Overcome False Humility
In wrapping up our journey through the intricacies of false humility, remember that the path to authenticity is both a challenge and an adventure. By shedding the layers of pretense, you're not just becoming a better version of yourself but opening doors to more genuine connections and opportunities.
Now that you have some tools to work with, I know you will be successful at swapping out fake humility for genuine humility. And if I believe you can do it, you should, too!
Learn more about true humility and humbleness:
- 77 Humble Quotes to Stay Grounded in Life
- Humbleness VS Humility: 5 Basic Differences
- 9 Simple Ways to Practice Stoicism in Your Life
- 15 Humbleness Examples You See Throughout Life
- Pride vs Humility: Differences, Charts, and Activities
- 7 Benefits of Practicing Humility Throughout Your Life.
