Do you want to have deep, meaningful conversations with your partner, but don’t know where to start?
They say that being able to talk to your partner is one of the keys to having a successful relationship. Actually, having conversations with anyone builds and strengthens all types of relationships.
But now and then we all run out of words or topics to discuss, and feel like we’re missing the chance to have intimate moments with our partners.
In this article, we share with you a list of the best conversation starters for couples who want to connect with each other. You can use them to get to know more about one another and discover what you both want in life.
But before we jump into the list, we’d like to first share some thoughts on the importance and benefits of having conversations.
The Importance of Conversations
They enhance confidence and boost self-esteem. Experts say that one of the most effective ways to boost self-confidence and self-esteem is through talking to others. It allows you to practice your communication skills and language competence, providing a way to make you feel less pressured when encountering other people.
They strengthen the physical and emotional bond between partners. Communication is key. Cliché as it is, this is always true. One of the most important aspects of having a strong and healthy relationship is communication, and this is facilitated by having regular conversations.
They provide a sense of social support and belongingness. Having conversations with your partner opens the way to mindful communication—the ability to listen without making judgments and speak without fear of humiliation. When this occurs, you and your partner feel a greater sense of security in your relationship.
They help in setting the boundaries of your relationship. A strong and healthy relationship is one that knows its limits. When you regularly have conversations with your partner, you both learn to set your parameters.
They build the trust and respect that both parties should have for each other. Trust and respect are both vital for a successful relationship, and one way to give and receive the trust and respect that you both deserve is through having meaningful conversations.
Since conversation is so important, let’s get one started. Here is our list of conversation starters that can break the ice between you and your partner.
36 Topics to Talk about with a Girl
Women are complex, and can be difficult for men to understand. But what better way to begin to understand a woman than to initiate a conversation with her?
If you are looking for ways to start a conversation with your wife or girlfriend, the topics and questions below might be just what you need.
Allow yourself to embrace the things you possibly do not know yet about her. Learning the answers to these questions will make you appreciate her and the things she does more than ever.
- What is the best advice you have ever received from someone?
- If you were given a chance to change your name, what would it be?
- What is the best gift you have ever given to someone?
- What do people automatically assume when they look at you?
- If the house was on fire, what is the first thing you would grab and take away with you?
- Where is your dream destination, and how would you like to spend that vacation?
- What did you want to be when you grew up, and do you still want it now?
- What are the life lessons that your previous relationships have taught you?
- What are three important things that guys should know and understand about girls?
- What is the worst thing about being in a relationship?
- What do you wish people would stop asking you?
- What are the best and worst things about being a girl?
- If you could be a guy for a day, who would you be?
- What was the most embarrassing thing you have done for a friend?
- Do you believe that we all have soul mates?
- What are some of the signs that a guy is starting to be creepy?
- Are you decisive or indecisive, and to what extent?
- What is a weird smell that everyone hates but you really enjoy?
- What do you enjoy doing that is traditionally considered masculine?
- Do you like meeting new people?
- What are the things you love about yourself?
- What is something you wish people would stop assuming about you and ask instead?
- Who knows you best?
- What's something you enjoy doing, but most people don't know you enjoy doing it?
- What would you do today, if tomorrow was your last day on earth?
- What's your biggest regret?
- Do you have any hidden talents?
- What are you most passionate about?
- What do you wish you had more time to do?
- Who is the weirdest person you've ever dated, and what made him the weirdest?
- Who is someone you stopped talking to or haven't talked to in years that you would like to reconnect with? Why?
- Would you rather be in a bad marriage for life or single for life?
- What's something I do that really bothers you but you haven't told me?
- Who would you like to spend more time with?
- What are you too hard on yourself for?
- What makes you feel loved?
36 Topics to Talk about with a Guy
If you are a woman and you want to initiate a conversation with your man, but do not know where to start, then this section is for you.
It can be difficult for men to open themselves up and be vulnerable, so you may need to read between the lines and ask relevant follow-up questions.
Here are some questions to use during bonding time with your man.
- What are the things that make you insecure?
- What are the factors that help you decide whether or not to trust a person?
- What are your expectations from a romantic relationship?
- What are the things that make you genuinely happy?
- Do you want to have children in the future? (For couples who have children: Do you want to have more children in the future?)
- What is the craziest thing you have ever done to impress a girl?
- What do you find most attractive in a woman?
- What is one thing that is a total turn off? What is one thing that is a total turn on?
- What are your life and professional goals?
- Have you ever had your heart broken?
- What would you do if you had a million dollars?
- What is the scariest thing you have ever done?
- When did you last cry, and why?
- If you were forced to move to a rural area, what are the top three things that you would take with you?
- What is one thing you would change if you were given a chance to rewrite the past?
- How would you set up the first date with someone you had just met?
- What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself?
- Who or what is your biggest go-to person or activity whenever you feel down?
- What is a random hobby you have always wanted to try but never had the chance to?
- What do you think are your biggest strengths and weaknesses?
- What are the best and worst things about being a guy?
- What are the three events in your past that have made the biggest impact in your life?
- What makes you feel appreciated?
- What is a goal you have for this year?
- Would you rather go back to the past or into the future? Why?
- If you didn't have to work to make money, what would you do with your time?
- Who did you spend most of your time with when you were a child?
- What is something that you do now that you would like to do less of?
- Would you rather be famous or rich?
- Do you have a bad habit you're trying to break? What is it and do you have a plan to break it?
- What's something you did in your past that would have gotten you into trouble if someone knew, that you would confess to today, if there were no consequences?
- What was your worst date and why?
- Have you ever wanted to be someone else and, if so, who and why?
- What is a talent you wish you had?
- What's your biggest fear?
- What types of affection do you like, other than sex?
93 Questions for Couples to Talk about
Of course, the conversations you have with your partner need to be balanced. It is not always about just him or just her—there should also be the concept of “us” and “we” in your relationship.
During date nights, or when the two of you are simply together, take the opportunity to ask your partner about his or her views of your relationship. Build a stronger connection by revealing your thoughts about the bond between you.
There is no assurance that you and your partner will have the same answers, but that’s okay. What matters is that you are both open to hearing what the other is thinking and feeling.
Sometimes distinct opinions and differing views provide the most opportunity for growth. Here are some topics to discuss together as partners.
- What would you want to be written on your/our tombstone when you/we die?
- What do you think makes us unique and different from other couples?
- What parts or attributes of our relationship are you most and least proud of?
- What adventures would you like to have and go on with me?
- What was your most memorable experience with me?
- What is your favorite gift I have given you?
- What are the top three things we should include on our bucket list?
- How would you feel if I made more money than you?
- What do you think our life will be like 10 years from now?
- If we were a superhero duo, who would we be and what superpowers would we have?
- What are the most important questions partners should ask each other before getting married?
- When was the last time you laughed so hard that you cried?
- What is one thing I do that makes you really happy?
- What curiosity-killed-the-cat story of mine/yours is your favorite?
- How much space or alone time do you think people in relationships should give each other?
- What is the biggest lie that someone told you? What is the biggest lie you have told someone?
- What new hobbies or activities would you like to try together as a couple?
- What is one decision that changed the entire course of your life?
- If you had to choose between a career you loved for little money and a career you don’t enjoy for a high salary, which would you pick?
- What will be the title of the book about our love story?
- When I/the family does not approve of a decision you've made, how do you handle it?
- If you could trade lives with someone, who would it be?
- If we were to have a child, what is your greatest wish for that child?
- If we found out that our child was going to be disabled or sick in some way, would you still want to have it?
- If we had children, would being their friend be more important to you than being a disciplinarian?
- Are there any physical traits of yours or mine you wouldn’t want our child to have?
- If we found out that we couldn’t have children naturally, would you consider fostering or adoption?
- If only one of us couldn’t have children, would you consider a surrogate or donor so that the child would be biologically one of ours?
- What is the one thing I could do to you that you’d never forgive me for?
- What is the one thing that made you realize you were falling in love with me?
- If one of us were to get sick, or become disabled, would you stand by each other?
- What do the words, “for better or for worse” really mean to you?
- Should we get a pet? Which one?
- Do you think that telling “white lies” on occasion is ok when it comes to your spouse or partner?
- Do you find yourself attracted to other people now and again? Is it physical or something else?
- What is our relationship lacking? What could we improve upon?
- How do you feel about pornography? Does it disgust you or is it something you’d be open to watching together?
- What is a secret sexual fantasy you’ve been too afraid to share with me?
- If you were to catch me pleasuring myself, how would you react?
- Would you ever consider a threesome? Or “swinging” with close friends for a night?
- If someone were to offer one of us $1,000,000 dollars to have sex just once with them, would we consider it?
- What makes you the most jealous about our relationship?
- If my best friend were of the opposite sex and unattached, would you feel comfortable with my hanging out with him or her alone?
- If our parents insisted we name a child after someone in the family, and you hated the name, would you do it for them?
- Would you ever tell our kids about any of our indiscretions when we were younger, such as drugs or alcohol use?
- Have you ever been arrested? For what?
- Have you ever been married or close to it before? If you were married before me, would you ever tell our kids?
- If our child turned out to be gay, would you be ok with that?
- Do you believe in God?
- How important is organized religion to you? Do you attend services regularly?
- Would you expect me to change religions once married? Would you consider changing religions?
- Do you support the tradition that the bride’s family should pay for the wedding?
- Do you want a big wedding or a small gathering? Where is your dream wedding locale?
- How worried are you about aging? Are you worried about feeling less attractive?
- If one of us couldn’t take care of ourselves when we got older, would you look into nursing homes? Or hire help to take care of things at home?
- Some people live together for many years without ever getting married. Do you believe that marriage is the only way to prove you are committed to one another for life?
- If one of us were to die, would you consider remarrying? Would having children make a difference in your decision?
- If one of our parents became ill and asked to move in with us, would you want that?
- If I told you I wanted to quit my high paying job and move off the grid somewhere with you for a year or two, would you join me? Even if it meant working odd jobs and living very modestly?
- Do you ever think about any of your past relationships?
- Are you friends with any exes on social media?
- When we argue, do you ever think about ending things?
- Do you believe couples counseling can help solve serious problems in a relationship? Would you be receptive to it if we ever hit that point?
- Do you believe there is any information that should be off limits to family members when it comes to our relationship?
- Do you think that it’s okay to have separate bank accounts when you are married?
- Do you believe in prenuptial agreements?
- Do you believe that stay-at-home parenting is work and makes a financial contribution in it’s own way?
- Is there any habit or trait of mine that concerns you? Or that you feel may get worse over time?
- How many drinks per day do you feel is too many without worrying you may have a problem?
- Now that marijuana is legal in most places, would you consider smoking it openly?
- Would you consider taking a weeklong vacation alone with friends once we are married?
- If we could go back in time and find each other as teenagers, do you think we’d have still found our way here?
- Do you think your romantic partner should be your best friend?
- What can I do to make you feel better when you are sad or feeling an emotion you would prefer not to feel?
- What do you want our legend to be as a couple?
- Do you think children should be raised in a specific religion, or allowed to choose their own religion?
- What do you think the roles of a woman and man should be in a marriage?
- How often do you think a married couple should have sex to have a healthy marriage?
- What three things does a marriage need for both people to be happy?
- What's one thing you would change about our relationship?
- Do you think its okay for couples to take separate vacations?
- How were conflicts handled in your nuclear family?
- What are three ways or things your parents did to raise you that you would not do the same to raise your children, and three things that you would do the same?
- What is one of your biggest insecurities that you're most afraid a spouse might reject or leave you because of it?
- What are you most thankful for?
- What activities would you like to do when you're retired?
- If you noticed we were drifting apart, what would you do?
- What are the three things we have in common?
- What is the freakiest sexual dream you've ever had?
- Do you think spouses should have each other's social media passwords?
- Do you think both people in a marriage should use time and finances to accomplish their dreams, or do you think one person's dreams should take priority over another's?
- What do you like best and least about me?
- What is your favorite thing to see an older couple do?
Final Thoughts on Conversation Starters for Couples
Even if you and your partner have been together for years now, there are probably still things that you might not know about each other. Consider having a fun and meaningful conversation night with your partner once or twice a week.
Remember that communication is a very powerful tool, and a skill that can make or break a relationship.
And if you're looking for more conversation starters, be sure to check out these articles:
- 91 This or That Questions to Ask a Guy to Know Him Better
- 103 This or That Questions to Ask a Girl to Know Her Better
- 151 Fun This or That Questions for Couples
